Discussion on Offbeat n Jokes in General Forum at TeluguPeople.com

Just 4 Laughs ;))

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Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 26, Apr 2006 10:56:44 AM IST

INDIAN BRAIN IN NEW YORK An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He says he is going to Europeon business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled." While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The Indian replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks just for 15 bucks?"

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 7:54:31 PM IST

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY MONDAY, APRIL 30 ,2006 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM. >Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7: 00PM. >Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. >Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. >Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. >Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00PM >Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM >Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2hours. >Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. >Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. >Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. >Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing . Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined >Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, ! Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00PM.FONTBP >Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays,Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. >Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. >Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 7:49:14 PM IST

DEATHS THAT MADE EVEN TOP DOCTORS WONDER... This case happened in a hospital's Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM. So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........ Ju st when the! clock struck 11... and then...... then..... then........ Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and Unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:49:32 PM IST

Q: Why do boys go to temple ? ? ? ? Because a temple is the only place where u can find.. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Pooja Bhawna Shraddha Aarti Archana Aradhana Shanti Jyoti Preeti ......... ....... ... AND Finally..... TRUPTI..... & THEN MUKTI..... :wub: :wub:

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:45:28 PM IST

SOME ROMANTIC COUNTRIES OF THE WORLD H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies. I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You. L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also. F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End. C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection. B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always. N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers. I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration. K.E.N.Y.A. - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing. C.A.N.A.D.A. - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction. K.O.R.E.A. - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity. E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing! M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always. T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D - Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:36:58 PM IST

IF film stars work for call centers. Imagine the calls... Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care rep hain... customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.. Dharmindra:Thank you for calliiiiingg.. Customer: I need help Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa....... Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga.. Customer: What!!! I need your manager Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai... Customer : How dare you speak like that Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!! Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya Customer: I lost my invoice Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain... miljayegi ...hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa keat mukherjee: Iiiiiihhhhye.... Customer: hi Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai Customer : I have not received my product Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha... Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kisss kaam aasakti hoon. Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu Customer: I need your manager Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...bacha hooon.. Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo Customer : I am not devi Mehmood : Ayyo murga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to deva hai... Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please Customer : Mona Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage kaun karega.... Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye Customer : I want to buy a product from your company Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re Customer : $ 10.00 Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhitkaar hai... Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra... Customer : I lost my invoice I need one Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle ... Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara yeh call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna Customer: I lost my invoice Rajkumar: Jaani... yeh invoice hai... Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko dara sake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi... And last but not least .................. Sharukh: Thank you for kakakakakakakakakakkkkkk Customer :hung up the phone....

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:29:42 PM IST

Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies http://i1.tinypic.com/oizxwh.gif An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. http://i1.tinypic.com/oizzmw.gif Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. http://i1.tinypic.com/oizzw9.gif Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. http://i1.tinypic.com/oj00ud.gif Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. http://i1.tinypic.com/oj017d.gif MORAL: Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies http://i1.tinypic.com/oj037b.gif

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:21:35 PM IST

U r a GENIUS.... Ur Brain is a MASTER PIECE. It is Devided in two parts... LEFT & RIGHT . In the LEFT nothing is RIGHT... & In the RIGHT nothing is LEFT.

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:15:50 PM IST

If engineers start making films, the names will be: current ho na ho, jaanam supplykaro, aa ab B.Tech karen, Kabhi A.C. Kabhi D.C, Hamari IC apke pas hai, fuse lagaya to darna kya, engineer no.1, engineering koi khel nahi, input wale output le jayenge, Maine engineering kyu kiya..!!

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:13:59 PM IST

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