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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Siri's Jokes Column | |
| A judge irritated by a lawyer's behaviour, admonished him,
"You are crossing the limits."
"Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai," roared the lawyer.
"How dare you call me saala ? I'll have you charged for
'contempt of court'," said the judge angrily.
"My lord misunderstood me," replied the lawyer coolly, "I do not
call you saala, all I said was kaun sa law aisa kehta hai...
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:26:17 PM IST
If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;
these could be the caption in Newspapers:
* Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!
* English Babu Desi Mem.
* Brain marries Beauty!?
* Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!?
Ooo Windows mein Bill hai mera...
* The next version of Windows will be "Windows MD."
* Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat.
* Relax guys! they'll only go for a virtual honeymoon.
* Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..
* Gate for Bill, Windows for M.F.Hussain
* Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera...
* Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai...
* Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re... !
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:18:04 PM IST
Sri Sri garu,
"Pakistani Air Force" is really good.. :)
Posted by: Mrs. Sandhya At: 29, Nov 2002 12:17:17 PM IST
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?
Just-beer Singh.
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ?
Just-one Singh.
What do you call a bong who talks a lot, sometimes without making sense?
Mr. Chatter Jee.
Who is that guy visiting the Golden Temple everyday?
Har Mandir Singh.
What do you call a very rich Malayalee?
Million Iyer
Who is he who has many publications to his credit?
Journal Singh
What do you call a bong who takes bribe?
Mr. Goosh
Who is he who visited the Russia-China border?
Long Wall
Who is that guy who enlightens others?
Lanthanwalla
What do you call a sikh female's boyfriend?
Her Pal Singh
What do you call a sikh guy running towards the enemy camp with a
white flag in his hand? (This had appeared on SCI long long ago.)
Surrender Singh
Q : What is a rich malayalee called ?
A : Millionayar
Khalistan's national song?
Bande marte hum.
A female Khalistan terrorist?
Hard Kaur.
A famous Khalistani profession?
Jarnailism.
khalistan history .. SARSON-DA-SAGA
the great wall of khalistan .. LONG-O-WALL
national dish of khalistan .. AKALI-DAAL
the dirty drain of khalistan .. BAR-NALA
a sikh scuba diver .. JULL-UNDER SINGH
a better adapted sikh diver .. JULLUNDER SINGH GILL
a bald sardarjee .. BAL-WANT SINGH
what does a sardarjee say to a whore ? .. WHORE JEE, KI HAL HAI ?
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:08:11 PM IST
Pakistani Air Force
Pakistan just got their new Chinese fighter planes
and sent a squadron of pilots there for training.
"Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese
trainer, "even you fools should be able to operate
it! You press this button to go up, this one to go
left and this one for turning right!"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha.
"Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air
Force!"
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:02:56 PM IST
Laws of Immigration
Newton's laws of Immigration
===========================
LAW 1 :
A Desi Will Continue to Stay in USA Due To Inertia or Greed
until A Force Called Deportation Is Applied.
LAW 2 :
The Force of Deportation F = ma
Where :-
m = Amount Of Money Desi Earned/Saved in USA.
a = dm/dt = The Rate at which Desi Saved Money.
(This is contrary to the Popular Belief that Desi will return back
after making lot of Money.)
LAW 3 :
For Each and Every Desi That Goes Back To Desh For a Temporary Visit,
A Desi Of Opposite Sex will come To USA On a Permanent Basis.
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:01:11 PM IST
Hamara Rocket
NASA was getting ready to launch a very important
space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and
double checked everything to make sure that things are fine.
However, on the day of our launch, something seemed
to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never
took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were
puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.
Finally, there was an Indian scientist who offered
to help. They NASA people were desperate by that time and
agreed to do anything.
"Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the
Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.
"Bring it back to vertical position" the Indian said.
The engineers did.
"Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the
rocket took off and flew into outer space!
Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew
what to do. He replied -
"It is very simple. This is what we always do with our
Bajaj scooters in India".
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 11:58:43 AM IST
What is B2C/B2B ?
Is:
B2C: Back to Core (technologies)
B2B: Back to Basics (from all the hype)
Then.....
B2B - Bangalore 2 Boston
B2C - Bangalore 2 California
Now ....
B2B - Back to Bangalore
B2C - Back to Chennai
B2B WAP - Back to Bench, Without Any Project
May be Tomorrow.....
B2C - Back To College (to study either Mechanical or Civil!)
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 11:54:15 AM IST
Filmi Codes for Software Professionals
Gupt : Resume of programmer with number of Placement agencies.
Gupt : Agreement of programmer with number of consultants.
Chupke Chupke : Applying for another Multiple H1s.
Diljale : H1 is approved for a coleague with less experience.
Sadma : Rejected H1B Visa...
Jo jeeta wohi sikander : when a programmer's H1 is Stamped.
Sajan chale Sasural : Computer professional going to US...
Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman : Once you are in US..(HOW TRUE)!
Sapnay : Green card
Roop ki Raani Chooro ka Raja : A Programmer with 'Jaali' degrees joining a Fraud Body shoping Company.
Dalaal : Middle man for placing Consultants
Khalnayak : Body-shoppers with Unpaid Bench
Dayawan : Company paying full salary in bench
Hero No 1 : SAAP Programmer
Do Phool Ek Maali : Programmer Holding 2 H1s at one time
Do aur Do Paanch : Calculations done by American companies while hiring a programmer
Baagi : Switching Jobs every 2 months
Chupke Chupke : Appling for another H1 .
Pathar ke phool : US Expenses
Aakhari Raasta : Programmer Going all out for getting Green card
Deevana : Programmer Sticking to a sinking & dying company.
Himalaya Putra : Firmly asking for $70k
Elan e Jung : Asking for increment with a hint of resignation.
Deewana Mastana : Project Manager - Project Leader
Beta : Home Phone bill exceeding $400 per month
1942 a Love story : Sticking to one company for more one year
Dil to Pagal Hai : Staying in Canada, dreaming of US...
Rakhwala : Project Manager...
Bechara : Computer professional in Canada
Zanzeer : Company bond
Himmatwala : Breaking company bond
Chaudhvin ka Chand : Assembly programmer...
Shehanshah : Bill Gates...
Admi Sarak ka : Jumping from company to company
Anari : Year2000 programmer...
Phool Aur Kaanten : Microsoft - IBM
Gunda Raaj : Microsoft Monopoly in IT market...
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 11:51:46 AM IST
Conversation betweenBill Gates and our very own Laloo of Bihar
Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : At home have u installed Windows?
Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.
Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo : OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.
Gates: By the year 2000 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates(Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhuasted all my leave.
Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing).
"Windows is restarting.Please wait............."
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 11:49:33 AM IST
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