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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Soft Humor ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
| Frank was madly in love with Susan, but couldn't get up enough courage
to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the
telephone. "Darling! He blurted out, "Will you marry me?" "Of course, I
will, you silly boy," she replied, "Who's speaking?"
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 24, Jun 2005 3:36:42 PM IST
Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven
Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him,
and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and
says,
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed
your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".
" Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied
Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,
"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not
me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the
same ."
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 24, Jun 2005 2:52:08 PM IST
HUSBAND TO WIFE:Darling , i still remember 1 year back, while ur body shape was like a coke bottle. Why did u become like this now?
WIFE TO HUSBAND: IT IS THE SAME HONEY, BUT THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS, IT WAS 300 ML THEN, NOW IT IS 1.5 LTS.
Posted by: DoBoy At: 22, Jun 2005 2:09:07 PM IST
*Lady 2 her maid: Oh Kanta, I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just saying that 2 make me jealous!
*Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get
*What men want: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a woman who loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never
meet each other!
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 18, Jun 2005 9:18:56 PM IST
Confucious say, ''There are three kinds of people in the world. Those
who can count. And those who can't.''
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 18, Jun 2005 9:10:56 PM IST
A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said,
"I want a tooth pulled. I don't want any pain-killer because I'm in a
terrible hurry.
Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it
is."
The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the
dentist which tooth it is, dear."
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 18, Jun 2005 9:07:12 PM IST
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping
in a shopping Mall and said,
"I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 17, Jun 2005 3:15:11 PM IST
A man and his wife were in a car accident. The man died instantly and
his wife passed away later in the hospital. When the husband died he found
himself walking along a misty path. At the end of the path he saw some
golden gates. He asked the gatekeeper, "Where am I?"
The gatekeeper replied, "This is heaven, you can come in if you can
spell the heavenly password." "What is the word?" asked the husband.
"The word is love." answered the man. "That's easy ...L-O-V-E!" said the husband,
and entered the gates. The gatekeeper explained that he had been on the job
all day without a break and asked the husband to take over for awhile,
"Just ask whoever comes to the gate to spell the password, if they can spell it,
let them in, if not then they have to leave." Soon the husband saw his wife walk
up to the gate. "Where are we?" she asked. "This is heaven," replied her husband,
"If you want to get in all you have to do is spell the heavenly password."
"What is the password?" asked the wife. The husband answered .....
"Antidisestablishmentarianism."
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 17, Jun 2005 3:14:02 PM IST
Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 10, Jun 2005 8:38:58 PM IST
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that question."
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 3, Jun 2005 12:15:59 PM IST
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