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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Today's Joke | |
| Dear son,
I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last person who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an uncle or an aunty.
Your Uncle Herolal fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out- he rolled the window down and swam to safety. The other two friends drowned as they couldn't' get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 28, Oct 2002 9:39:08 PM IST
Teacher:why r u late?
tomy: B'cos of the sign.
Teacher:what sign?
tomy: the one that says " SChool ahead. Go slow" and that's what i did.
Posted by: Mr. Prathap KORA At: 28, Oct 2002 3:52:41 PM IST
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one ?"
Gangs
D U B A I
Posted by: Mr. Gangadhar Perumalla At: 28, Oct 2002 3:45:27 PM IST
If the Titanic was made in India:
10) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.
9) There has to be a song with a girl wearing a white dress, singing in the rain.
8) By the end of the movie he finds his mom, dad, sister and brother.
7) It's seven and half-hours long.
6) The movie would be called "Doobta Hua Pyar".
5) Kate Winslet played by Madhuri Dixit, and Leonard Di' Caprio played by Salman Khan.
4) The boat would sink, because there are too many people on it.
3) None of the people would float for long cause of the saris.
2) They would be serving mango fruity on the boat.
1) Wait a minute it was an Indian movie if you think abou it.
AND
Can you imagine how many times we would hear "Bachaoooo"!!!
PS: The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive. The villain will drown in the first drops of water.
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 28, Oct 2002 3:21:11 PM IST
one American n one Scotish attended for an interview. they both were given questiion papers. one copied all the answers from another. both of them wrote same answers, but they selected the american becuase for the last question, american answered "I don't know" n the scottish answered "I too don't know".
Posted by: Jonnalagadda Jonnalagadda At: 28, Oct 2002 1:45:52 PM IST
Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Miami beach for a two-week period helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during
their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp.
As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his
wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie
granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch"
replied the project manager.
Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 28, Oct 2002 10:38:00 AM IST
click cheyyanDi - chadavanDi - cheppanDi http://www.cheppanDi.com http://www.andhraConnections.com
Posted by: Mr. Nagendra Reddy At: 27, Oct 2002 5:49:21 PM IST
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Posted by: Mrs. Sandhya At: 27, Oct 2002 4:21:24 PM IST
Shital
people share some non-veg joke which has some limitations , some we share between friends and peopole of same age group.
It does not mean that you can post any thing any where.
This site has got its own standereds where
we have rights to share our thoughts but within some limit.
Here we have friends aging from 5-6 years to 60-70 years and you know how we talk and behave with our elders and youngsters.
You have written the response that " IF U FIND IT VULGAR' ... it means that you still think it a good joke to be shared with any one.
So .. just share the same joke with your parents and get the response.....
Posted by: Mr. Arun Vedula At: 26, Oct 2002 7:52:06 PM IST
Want to propose a girl
Just do it - Nike
Before going to propose to a girl
Believe in the best - BPL.
If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl
Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks.
If you are going to propose to a girl
Chances are 50-50 - Britannia.
If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her
Take it easy - Limca.
Girl says NO !
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.
Those who succeed in love always say
We dream because we do - Daewoo.
If some one wants to write a love letter to his girlfriend
Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.
If you love someone
Go get it - Visa power.
Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl
Neighbors envy owner's pride - Onida.
Not satisfied with your date
Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.
A guy having a number of girl friends
The Complete Man - Raymonds.
A smart girl having a number of boyfriends
Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra - Colgate.
For those lost in love
Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whisky.
For a guy 'r gal who hasn't yet found one
Dhoondte rehe jayo ge - Surf Exel
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 26, Oct 2002 6:50:30 PM IST
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