Discussion on Offbeat n Jokes in General Forum at TeluguPeople.com

Just 4 Laughs ;))

Harbhajan to his wife : Darling ! kya main tera pahila pyar hoo ? Wife : Kardina sardar wali baat .Spinner ko kabhi opening milti hai kya?

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:13:27 PM IST

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the wall over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But is not only that Mum, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want. In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Judith. P.S.: Mum, it's not true. I'm at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in the desk drawer.

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:09:01 PM IST

"HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 6:08:00 PM IST

This happened about a month ago near Lonavala. A guy was driving from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest town. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the rain is so heavy he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him - when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!! Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming. Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend. ! Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small town. He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through. There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking ..... . . . . . . . . .. ... .... ...... ....... ......... ........... .............. ................. ! .......................and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa points and says "Look Banta - that's the weird guy who got into our car when we were pushing it."

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 5:49:32 PM IST

BILL TO PAGAL HAI Billl To Pagal Hai....... Bill Deewana Hai..... Achhe Bure Softwares Banata Hai Yahi, Hasata He Yahi, Rulata Hai, Usme Phir 'Bugs' Daalta Hain Wohi, Aur Solutions Bhi Nikalta Hai, Bill To Pagal Hai....... Bill Deewana Hai..... Is Bill Ki Baton Mein Jo Aate Hain, Woto Oolloo Ban Jate Hain, Software To Dusare Bhi Banate Hain, Banake Magar Kho Jate Hain, Hmmm Bill To Pagal Hai....... Bill Deewana Hai..... Softwares Ko Main Na Pehchanoonga, Working Bhi Na Mein Uski Janoonga, Microsoft Ka Logo Bass Mein Dekhoonga, Bill Jo Kahega Wohi Manoonga. Bill To Pagal Hai....... Bill Deewana Hai..... Bill Ka Kehna Hum Sab Maane, Bill Na Kisi Ki Maane, Uski Strategy Jaan Li Hamne, Ek Wohi Na Jaane. Bill To Pagal Hai....... Bill Deewana Hai..... Chhoro Ye Bill Sab Kahaniya, Bugs Ki Hain Sab Nishaniya, Programmers Ki Sari Pareshaniya, Is Bill Ki Hain Ye Meherbaniya. Hmmm Bill To Pagal Hai.... Bill Deewana Hai.....

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 5:45:04 PM IST

Who said that? ============= Here is a funny joke about a south Indian boy on his first day at school in the USA. -------------------------------------------- It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History." Who said "Give meLiberty, or give me Death"? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said. "Very good!" Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?" Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrashekhar. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more! about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians," "Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrashekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck this!" Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!" And Chandrashekhar said quietly, "George Bush, Iraq, 2005."

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 4:08:36 PM IST

***Words Women Use !!*** Fine This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. Five Minutes If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. Nothing This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine". Go Ahead This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT! Loud Sigh Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". That's Okay This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Thanks This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 4:04:52 PM IST

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India... 1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave. 2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.." 3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.." 4. From H.A.L. Administration dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave." 5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave" 6. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday." 7. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today" 8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day." 9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..." 10. Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..." 11. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave". 12. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well." 13. A candidate's job application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 3:59:27 PM IST

once musharraf, vajpayee, a beautiful lady of 25, an old woman will be travelling in a train. the train once enters into a tunnel and a kiss sound and a slap sound are heard. the lady thinks: musharraf thinking that it was me and would have kissed the old woman and so she might have slapped him the old woman thinks: musharraf would have kissed the girl, so she might have slapped him musharraf: vajpayee might have kissed the girl and the girl instead of vajpayee has slapped me vajpayee: next time the train enters another tunnel, i will make a kiss sound and again slap musharraf.

Posted by: Mr. uday At: 21, Apr 2006 10:04:36 PM IST

muntaaj`ko^sam shaajahaan` taaj`mahal` kaTTinchaaDukadaa mari naape^rumi^da jNjaapakaardhamgaa e^m kaDataaranaDigindi ro^jaa inkaa ve^re^ e^m kaTTaali? nela nelaa nagala chi^Ti , paatrala chi^Ti , chi^rala chi^Ti ni^pe^rumi^de^ kaDutunnaanugaa , adichaaladu^? annaaDu

Posted by: Mr. Bhaskar At: 18, Apr 2006 6:39:00 AM IST

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