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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Dil's Jokes page | |
| Windows Source Code
Some people have hacked into Microsoft and stolen their Windows XP code and here it is. I am sure that they would love any improvements for the next version.
#include (windows.h)
#include (system_errors.h)
#include (stdlib.h)
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
main()
{
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
printf("Welcome to Windoze 3.999 (we might get it right or just call it Chicargo)\n");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(1) {
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
if (rand() ( 0.9)
crash(complete_system);
}
return(unrecoverable_system);
}
Posted by: Miss Dil At: 17, Jan 2003 3:55:09 PM IST
Another Windows/M$ Joke
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark.
After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.
The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."
Posted by: Miss Dil At: 17, Jan 2003 3:53:40 PM IST
Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant?
A: A mad scientist.
Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
A: The warning label.
Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium?
A: Successive approximations.
Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND 3) RANDOM 4) On a Pentium, all of the above
A: Number 4.
Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
A: "Life is like a box of chocolates..." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)
Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.
Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"?
A: Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!
Posted by: Miss Dil At: 17, Jan 2003 3:50:33 PM IST
There was a train crash train de railed and a number of people were died. Sardar Banta was the driver. He has been asked by the equerry committee how the train de-railed Banta replied " I find a man on the rail and the incident happened" . "Why don't you roll over the man and avoid the big tragedy"? asked the committee. Banta said "I too had the plan to kill him but at the last moment he gave up his decision and moved away from the rail and to kill him I too divert my path from the rail".
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Sardar Garbhajan singh was working in a lathe and one of his hand jammed inside the cog. He was been hospitalized. The doctors and nurses said oh! Good luck the left hand is jammed not the right Garbhajan replied "First the right hand jammed but I taken it out from the cog and put my left hand"
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Sardar Garbhajan Singh went for hunting in a thick forest. He did not even find an animal. He is in his jeep. All of sudden one Lion jumped from a bush. Sardar frightened forgot to shoot, start the jeep and accelerate it fast to save himself. But the Lion is just behind him full speed. Ahead a junction the road divides and goes to two sides, Garbajen looked through the mirror the lion is just behind. He has an idea and saved his life. Do you know what he did?? He flashed the left indicator of the jeep on approaching the junction and turn to right.
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GAMBLES Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. "What happened ?" asked Surjit. "Yaar, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet yesterday . " "How come ?" "Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet." " But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "
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Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates. One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.'
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Santa : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and the other one is blue with red spots! Banta : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
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Santa: What is ANOTHER difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY? Banta: A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!
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Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4thperson born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
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Posted by: Miss Dil At: 17, Jan 2003 3:45:14 PM IST
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the Sardar replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, 'Wash Basin' ".
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"
The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
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Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied ; Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!;
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Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
Posted by: Miss Dil At: 17, Jan 2003 3:40:07 PM IST
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