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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Today's Joke | |
| The Perfect Employee?
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd
numbered lines.
Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 23, Oct 2002 3:40:52 PM IST
The following submission submitted by Gurpal Jassal a British citizen of Indian origin has won the top prize for his joke.This was rated the funniest of the 40,000 from 70 countries.
" Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.He does not seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps:"My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "calm down,I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead." There is a silence,then a shot is heard. back on the phone, the guy says:"OK, now what?"
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 22, Oct 2002 11:04:27 AM IST
this is copy n paste
Posted by: Mr. naga murali krishna koritala At: 22, Oct 2002 0:00:55 AM IST
Ms.Ramya jee this 'Bond' joke littele bit old..
Gangs..
Posted by: Mr. Gangadhar Perumalla At: 21, Oct 2002 11:47:50 PM IST
punishment:
Once, there was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he would be on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds were in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would
recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."
God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup 250 yards away. A picture-perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "I beg your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."
God smiled. "Think about it-who can he tell?"
Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 21, Oct 2002 6:18:36 PM IST
A bank manager was interviewing four very different applicants from his short list for the position of clerical. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two."
The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
The next person was a lawyer.He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Cromwell two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was an accountant. When the bank manager asked him, "How much is two and two?", the accountant got up from his chair, went over and closed the door.
He came back, sat down, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.
Posted by: Jonnalagadda Jonnalagadda At: 19, Oct 2002 3:12:30 PM IST
kala garu mee jokes chaala bhaagunnayandi
Posted by: Mr. srinivas chodavarapu At: 18, Oct 2002 9:13:29 PM IST
Chewing Gum
-------------
An Indian is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Pakistani man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a Conversation:
Pakistan: "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"
Indian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Pakistani: (after blowing a huge bubble of the chewing gum) "We don't. In Pakistan,
we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India." The Pakistani has a smirk on his face. The Indian listens in silence. The Pakistani Persists "Do you eat jam with the bread??"
Indian: "Of Course."
Pakistani: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India ."
The Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in Pakistan?"
Pakistani: "Why of course we do", the Pakistani says with a big smirk.
Indian: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Pakistani: "We throw them away, of course."
Indian : "We don't. In India, we put them in a container,
Recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan and now u r chewing it.
Posted by: Mr. Shri kanth At: 18, Oct 2002 8:59:50 PM IST
hello ramya garu ee roju meeru cheppina joke bhaagundhi
Posted by: Mr. srinivas chodavarapu At: 18, Oct 2002 8:48:24 PM IST
Hello kala garu holidays ki hyd vellanu 10 days andhuke naa name kanipinchaledhu tp.com lo.
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the
Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay. If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave.
The Sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged
man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one addition
to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite
each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh pointed
to the ground where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an
apple.
The Pope stood up and said, -I give up. This man is too good. The Sardars
can stay.
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had
happened. The Pope said, First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was
still one God common to both our religions.
Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?
Meanwhile, the Sardar community had crowded around Santa Singh. What
happened? they asked.
Well, said Santa Singh, First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here.
Yes, yes,.. and then??? asked the crowd.
I don't know, said Santa Singh, He took out his lunch, and I took out mine.
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 18, Oct 2002 10:26:32 AM IST
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