Discussion on Offbeat n Jokes in General Forum at TeluguPeople.com

Today's Joke

A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

Posted by: Jonnalagadda Jonnalagadda At: 17, Oct 2002 3:37:25 PM IST

Banta Singh was painting his living room one hotday. "Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two jackets?". "Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can said to put on two coats."

Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 17, Oct 2002 2:48:15 PM IST

helo aruna gaaru welcome back ee madhya mee peru kanipinchaledu.. mee joke baagundi

Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 17, Oct 2002 2:38:46 PM IST

Recently a worldwide survey was conducted by U.N. The question asked was: 'Would you please give your opinion about the food shortage in the rest of the world?'. The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what 'opinion' meant. In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant. And in U.S. they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant

Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 17, Oct 2002 10:29:08 AM IST

Diet Nightmare A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake!"

Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 16, Oct 2002 2:13:56 PM IST

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?" -- Quentin Crisp

Posted by: UK At: 14, Oct 2002 6:07:02 PM IST

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," the patient replied. "I hung him up to dry."

Posted by: Jonnalagadda Jonnalagadda At: 14, Oct 2002 2:30:08 PM IST

You are a true Hyderabadi if: ---------------------------- 1. Your address reads as 23-404-32/67A-43 (New MCH number 56-678/4A/B-22),while you actually live in the second house beside Zamzam cafe in lane behind Anand Theatre on SP Road. 2. You end up buying only a salwar kameez, whether it is a theatre workshop, food mela, consumer expo, designer jewellery show, science show or an automobile convention. 3. Your street has at least one roadside mobile hotel that serves Chinese delicacies such as "Vegetable soft needles", "Navrotten Kurma", "Chicken Manchewurea" or "American Chompsee". 4. Your answer is 'seedha chale jao' when somebody asks you for directions,whether it is to Malakpet, Masab Tank, Malkajgiri or Moosapet. 5. You come across tailors sporting the board: Immidiot delivery in two days onli. 6.You can speak Hindi, Urdu, hyderabadi hinglish, except Telugu, fluently. 7.You ask the waiter to get you some 'Mango pickle' even if you are sitting at a lavish continental banquet dinner with exotic Chinese, Mexican,Italian and Lebanese cuisines. 9. You order for a tea just after having had a Caramel custard. 10. You have at least one Srinivas,Prasad, Raju or Venkatesh within six square feet. OR you have at least one cousin, friend, colleague or acquaintance with these names. 11. You have at least one cousin, friend, colleague or acquaintance in the US in software. 12. Everytime somebody gives you a piece of good news, the first thing you ask them is 'Party kab hain?' 13. Refer to any past as 'parso', be it yesterday or long before three hundred years. 14. You call 11 AM as subah subah. 15. You label your boss as 'Dimakh Kharab' 16. You are 15 minutes late and you feel you are on time. 17. You look at the fixed price stand and still ask 'dene ka bolo' 18. You are reading this and secretly admitting that you are, after all, a true blue Hyderabadi.

Posted by: Mr. Rajasekhar Bhogi At: 11, Oct 2002 10:58:42 PM IST

The Big Shot Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office. The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details. " This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?" The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to connect your phone."

Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 11, Oct 2002 11:29:25 AM IST

Typical way of answering viva questions. read this patiently ********************************************************** Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C.as compared to D.C. ? Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker. -------------- Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC. -------------- Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an induction motor? Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the base, turn the motor around,and put back the bolts. Examiner : "What is a step-up transformer?" Student : "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles." Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?" Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transfomer that is put in the basement or in a pit?" Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the ground?" (student knows he is caught-can't answer) Examiner (impatiently): "Well?" Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"

Posted by: Mr. Trilok chander Tankala At: 3, Oct 2002 8:49:57 PM IST

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