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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Joke of the Day | |
| The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet.
"You`re not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed him a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied Little Johnny.
He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and all the students filed up and handed them in except Johnny, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don`t, I`m not going to accept that. It`s late."
Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don`t," replied the teacher.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again.
"No, and I don`t care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
Posted by: Mr. Prathap KORA At: 19, Nov 2002 1:52:04 PM IST
Due to the tension in India-Pakistan border, the Customs officials in India were warned of possible smuggling of guns from Pakistan into India. A man came to the border from Pakistan on a bicycle with two bags tied on each sides of the cycle and he was stopped!
"What are you carrying?" asked the officials. He replied, "Just sand!" "OK, open it the bags! Let's see!" He did and it contained nothing but sand!
After 2 days, the bicycle man was again on the border. "What are you carrying now?" asked the officials . He said, "Just sand!". " OK, open it! Let's see!" Again, nothing but sand! And so it went for several many days!
Soon after the war was over and everything was fine. Sometime later one of the officials met the man with the bicycle in a market. "Hey you! We are sure you were smuggling something but always the bags had sand! What was it that you were smuggling?"
"Bicycles!" he replied!
Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 19, Nov 2002 1:39:13 PM IST
Laloo Yadav to a long distance telephone operator: "Could you please tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Vegas??"
Operator: "Just a minute Sir..."
Laloo: "Thanks You!", and puts the phone down.
Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 9, Nov 2002 10:23:10 AM IST
1man:giving is always better than receiving.
2man:r u a philosopher?
iman:no, i am a boxer.
Posted by: Mr. Prathap KORA At: 1, Nov 2002 1:47:22 PM IST
Nice Jokes Rajesh and shital
Posted by: Mr. Kalyan Chakravarthy At: 31, Oct 2002 3:27:50 PM IST
A Desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty foreign girl, whom he wanted. But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her.
HE WROTE :
Most worthy of your estimation
after a long consideration
and much mediation.
I have a strong indication
to become your relation.
As to my educational qualification,
it is no exaggeration or fabrication
that I have passed my matriculation examination;
no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation.
What do you say to the solemnization
of our marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilization
and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation.
On your approbation of the application,
I shall make preparation to improve my situation,
and if such obligation is worthy of consideration
it will be our argumentation of the joy and
exaltation of our joint dissimilation.
Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion,
To remain victim of your fascination.
SHE WROTE :
Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,
Congratulation for your lengthy narration
of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation
for a combination which on examination
I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.
You have passed your matriculation with little preparation,
what about my graduation after a long botheration,
so improve situation in education
and make an application by acquisition
of post graduation and minimum qualification
for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification.
Further strict observation of the following conditions is the
regulation for the determination of our relation.
1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.
2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any fascination and,
3. Procreation must not be your recreation.
In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation.
I Remain,
Unaffected by your affection.
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 31, Oct 2002 2:43:08 PM IST
A young college student wrote home to his family. "Dearest Mom and Dad, I haven't heard from you in nearly a month. No letters, no phone calls -- what's going on? I am terribly worried. Why is it so hard for you to keep your loving son informed of your welfare. Please do send a check (preferably for $500) immediately so I'll know you're doing well and enjoying yourselves. -- David"
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 31, Oct 2002 12:34:12 PM IST
Real good one guys read it!!!!!!
You know you are a hyderabadi if....
1. Your address reads as 23-404-32/67A-43 (New MCH number 56-678/4A/B-22),while you actually live in the second house
beside Zamzam cafe in lane behind Anand Theatre on SP Road.
2. You end up buying only a salwar kameez, whether it is a theatre workshop, food mela, consumer expo, designer jewellery show,
science show or an automobile convention.
3. Your street has at least one roadside mobile hotel that serves Chinese delicacies such as "Vegetable soft needles", "Navrotten
Kurma","Chicken Manchewurea" or "American Chompsee".
4. Your answer is 'seedha chale jao' when somebody asks you for ! ; directions,whether it is to Malakpet, Masab Tank, Malkajgiri or
Moosapet.
5. You come across tailors sporting the board: Immidiot delivery in two days onli.
6.You can speak Hindi, Urdu, hyderabadi hinglish, except Telugu,fluently.
7.You ask the waiter to get you 'Mango pickle' even if you are sitting at a lavish continental banquet dinner with exotic Chinese,Mexican,Italian and Lebanese cuisines.
9. You order for a tea just after having had a Caramel custard.
10. You have at least one Srinivas,Prasad, Raju or Venkatesh within six square feet. OR you have at least one cousin,friend,colleague
or ! acquaintance with these names.
11. You have at least one cousin, friend, colleague or acquaintance in the US in software.
12. Everytime somebody gives you a piece of good news, the first thing you ask them is 'Party kab hain?'
13. Refer to any past as 'parso', be it yesterday or long before three hundred years.
14. You call 11 AM as subah subah.
15. You label your boss as 'Dimakh kharab'
16. You are 15 minutes late and you feel you are on time.
17. You look at the fixed price stand and still ask 'dene ka bolo'
18. You are reading this and secretly admitting that you are,after all! , a true blue Hyderabadi.
you know one thing..... Once a Hyderabadi, always a Hyderabadi
Posted by: Mr. RAJESH M At: 31, Oct 2002 1:24:18 AM IST
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.
The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted 95%.
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 31, Oct 2002 1:09:22 AM IST
One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk. They were old buddies from engg college, and they were together for a college reunion.. For no apparent reason, they went into this zoo and passed a monkey. Being in the same business and from the same college, there was a little bit of a peer competition going on between themselves - they couldn't resist testing themselves against each other - especially the Infosys guy.
Said he to the others: "Why don't we prove who are the best among ourselves?". Why not, said the other two. The Infoscion said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm". By mutual agreement, the Infoscion took the first turn. Being a pure logical strategist, the Infoscion tried to make the monkey laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still. As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... no good, the monkey stayed put... Now, comes the TCSer... being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him. The other two were astonished. How did this TCS guy manage to beat them?
No way they were going to accept defeat so easily. So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!" So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The Infosys guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again...Then, the TCSer again whispered something into the monkey's ear and lo! It started crying, patting the TCSer's shoulder! The other two just could not believe their eyes! So the Infoscion said
"OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run". And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey - still no go. So...here comes our TCS guy, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death!
The other two surrendered. Said they: "OK, we give up. You’re the best among us, and you work for the best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him. "Well", said the TCSer, "The first time I made it laugh, I told it I work for TCS. The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid...so it started crying. And then I told him that I was here for recruitment!!!"
Posted by: Mr. Indra Kumar M At: 30, Oct 2002 11:52:47 PM IST
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