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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | jokes-- enjoy | |
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Posted by: Mr. Sreenivasa Reddy V At: 8, Aug 2003 2:50:39 PM IST
Nice work Mr. S V Reddy. Now India wants business in the field of Defence by which Japan has already gained more benefits.
Posted by: Mr. M Kumar N At: 8, Aug 2003 10:07:21 AM IST
Ok, this is too good. Read it when you have time to kill & enjoy!!!
Year 2020
Place: Two Americans at IBM, USA
Currency Conversion Rate: Rs. 1 = $ 500
Alex: Hi John, you didn't come to office yesterday?
John: Yeah, I was in Indian embassy for stamping.
Alex: Oh, really, what happened, I heard that nowadays
it has become very
strict.
John: Yeah, but I managed to get it.
Alex: How long it took to get stamped?
John: Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. That is why it
got delayed. I went
there at 2 am itself and waited and returned by 4 pm.
Alex: Really? In India, it is matter of an hour to get
stamped for USA.
John: Yeah, but that is because who in India will be
interested in coming
to USA man, their economy has been booming.
Alex: So when are you leaving?
John: Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the
client in India and you
know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air India.
Sort of dream come
true.
Alex: How long are you going to stay in India?
John: What do you mean by how long? I will be settling
in India, my
company has promised me that they will process my
"Hara Patta".
Alex: Really lucky person, it is very difficult to get
Hara Patta in India.
John: Yeah, that is why I am planning to marry an
Indian girl there.
Alex: But you can find lots of US girls there at
Bangalore, Hyderabad and
Mumbai.
John: But, I prefer Indian girls because they are
beautiful and cultured.
Alex: Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?
John: Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living
is very high, it is
Rs 1,000/- for a single room accommodation.
Alex: I see, that is too much for US people, Rs 1 is $
500 Oh god, what
about Bangalore, Chennai or Mumbai?
John: No idea, but I heard that it is less than that
at Hyderabad. It is
like the world headquarters of software.
Alex: I heard that almost all Indians are having one
personal robot for
help.
John: You can get a BMW for Rs 5,000/- or less than
7,500/-. But my dream
is to buy an Ambassador, which cost Rs, 2, 00,000 but
has got a sexy
design.
Alex: By the way, who is your client?
John: A purely Indian origin company, specializing in
Embedded Software.
Alex: Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian
origin company. They are
really intelligent and unlike American Body shoppers
who have opened their
fly-by-night outfits in India, Indian companies pay
you in full even when
you are on bench. My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used
his bench time to
visit Bihar, the most livable place in India,probably
the world. There you
have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do
whatever you want! I
wonder how the state has perfected the system.
John: Yeah man, you are right. I hope our America also
follows in their
footsteps.
Alex: How are you going to cope with their language?
John: Why not? Right from my school days I have been
learning Hindi as my
first language here at New York. At the consulate they
tested my
proficiency in Hindi and was impressed by my cent
percent score in
TOHIL(Test of Hindi as International Language)
Alex: So, you are going to have fun there.
John: Yeah, I will be traveling by the fastest trains
in the world, world
largest theme parks and the famous Bollywood where you
can see actors like
Vrithik (Son of Hrithik), Aryan and all.Esselworld is
also near to
Bollywood.
Alex: You know what, the Indian PM is scheduled to
visit the US next year;
he may then relax the number of Visas.
John: That's true, Last month, Narayanamurthy
Jr.visited the White House
and donated Rs 2000/- for infrastructure development
at the Silicon Valley
and has promised more if we follow the model of
Silicon City of Bangalore.
Bill Gates Jr. also got a chance of meeting him. Very
lucky person.
Alex: But, the Indian government is planning to split
Narayanamurthy Jr.'s
Infosys & Sons.
John: He is a hard worker like his father; he can
build any number of
Infosys like the one existing. Every second he is
getting Rs 2000/- It
seems, if you keep all his money converted as Rs 100/-
notes you can reach
Pluto.
Alex: Ok, Good luck John.
John: Same to you Alex. And don't go to the consulate
in Kurta Pajamas
because they might think you are too indianised and
may doubt you will
ever come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may
be rejected. But do
not forget to say, " Namaste, Aap kaise hain?" to the
Visa stamping
section. It seems he likes that and will not give you
a visa if you don't
greet him that way.
Posted by: Mr. Sreenivasa Reddy V At: 8, Aug 2003 8:59:00 AM IST
We take you now to the Oval Office
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's
happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about
the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who
is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now what are you asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading
China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is
leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me
the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in
China? I thought he was in the Middle
East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the
name of the new leader of China. Get me
the Secretary General of the U.N. on the
phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it,
I could use a glass of milk. And then get
me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the
call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East!
Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two
sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of
egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some
to the guy in China. And the Middle East.
Can you get Chinese food in the Middle
East?
Posted by: Mr. Sreenivasa Reddy V At: 7, Aug 2003 8:43:23 AM IST
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their
eight children when a blind man joins them after a few minutes. When
the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her
eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind
man decide to walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the
constant ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him:
"Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that
ticking sound is driving me crazy!!"
The blind man replies,"If you'd have put a rubber on your stick, we
would have been sitting in the bus, so shut the Hell up!!!!"
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 9, Jul 2003 7:17:01 AM IST
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to
Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're
too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a
rest.They stop at a nice hotel and take a room,but they only
plan tosleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk
hands them a bill for
$350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the
rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the
man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears,
listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has
an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were
available for the husband
and wife to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the
Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one
of the shows for which the hotel is famous.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man
replies, "But we didn't use it!"
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
"The best entertainers from New York and Las Vegas perform
here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man
again.
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the
Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the
check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for
$100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for
sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 9, Jul 2003 7:15:00 AM IST
ok, bye venkat,
i am leaving.we will meet after.
good night.
Posted by: Mr. Sreenivasa Reddy V At: 7, Jul 2003 4:20:38 PM IST
naadi Kakinada...Hyd lo work chestunna...sreeni...
Posted by: V E N K A T At: 7, Jul 2003 3:39:45 PM IST
maadi nalgonda,nenu hyd lo programmer ga pani chestunanu.
mari meru?
Posted by: Mr. Sreenivasa Reddy V At: 7, Jul 2003 2:00:25 PM IST
oh....senser ..idokatundi kadaa...
ok sreeni mee gurunchi cheppandi
Posted by: V E N K A T At: 7, Jul 2003 1:35:49 PM IST
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