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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Today's joke............ | |
| You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm
fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's
fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic
in bed." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten
your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door
for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and
then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public
Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 27, Sep 2003 8:06:52 PM IST
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag
of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!) The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said,"Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a
long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to
side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should
be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly
banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 24, Sep 2003 4:16:01 AM IST
A girl phoned bob the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. when bob went over. Nobody was home.
Posted by: Ms. himalaya sukanya At: 21, Sep 2003 5:03:29 PM IST
lol vijay uncle
kavi joke is good. what if i heard it several times it still makes me laugh
Posted by: Ms. himalaya sukanya At: 21, Sep 2003 7:32:16 AM IST
1)BPL boy asked Airtel Girl:what is ur speciality?
Airtel Girl: Night time incoming free!!
2)Doctor to his lady patient:' U look so weak and exausted! Are u
having ur meals three times a day as I advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day!!
3)Ek kavi shaadi ke baad biwi se bola: Aaj se tum hi meri kavita ho,
prerna ho, bhawana ho, Kalpna ho!
Patni: Mere liye bhi aaj se aap he dinesh ho, rohit ho, rakesh ho!
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 21, Sep 2003 5:29:36 AM IST
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!" The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.
As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"
The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."
The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."
Posted by: Ms. himalaya sukanya At: 18, Sep 2003 6:27:18 PM IST
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"Four cents," he replies.
"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
Posted by: Ms. himalaya sukanya At: 18, Sep 2003 6:22:48 PM IST
One day a guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc I have these real bad headaches. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Well, to get rid of my headaches I just have sex with my wife." They both laugh.
A week later the patient returns. The doctor asks, "How are you feeling?"
The patient smiles and replies" You were right! I feel so much better. And, by the way, Doc, you have a lovely home."
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 14, Sep 2003 6:49:48 AM IST
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, ''I've kidnapped you.'' She then wrote a note saying,''I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.'' The blonde pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, ''How could you do this to a fellow blonde?''
Posted by: Ms. himalaya sukanya At: 14, Sep 2003 6:22:26 AM IST
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 min.
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 14, Sep 2003 5:14:44 AM IST
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