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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Little Johny jokes | |
| oh my god so funny threads know
Posted by: TP Lo InDecent Intlo Decent At: 18, Mar 2005 10:30:21 AM IST
Yo Online! If you are not interested, simply shut the fuck up.
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 17, Jul 2003 8:51:07 PM IST
Little Johnny was in school one day when the teacher brought around cookies for snack time. "Here, Little Johnny, have a cookie." "I don't fucking want one," declared Johnny.. The teacher was shocked. She called Little Johnny's mother and scheduled her to come in for a meeting the next day.. When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the teacher had her hide behind the curtain until snack time came around. As she came to Little Johnny, she again told him "Here Little Johnny...
It's time for your cookie." "I don't fucking want one," stated Little Johnny again.. The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said to his mother, "See? Did you hear what he said?" "So don't fucking give him one," said Little Johnny's mother..
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 17, Jul 2003 8:08:36 PM IST
What are you doing Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on.. Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and saw his father removing a used condom.. "Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny.. His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tell his son.. I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice." replied his father.. Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion and said, "Well, what are you doing? Fucking them?"
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 17, Jul 2003 8:08:10 PM IST
Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done so well during the year that the teacher suggested to the principal that they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed.. The principal agreed so they called Johnny into the office, explained, then the teacher asked, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?" Johnny replied, "Legs." The teacher asked, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I don't have in my pants?" Johnny replied, "Pockets."
The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?" Johnny replied. "Rome." The teacher turned to the principal and asked, "Should we pass him?" The principal replied, "Better not ask me, I got the first two wrong"
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 17, Jul 2003 8:07:49 PM IST
One bright Sunday morning Cindy and Mark took their eight year old son, Johnny, to church. They sat right in the front so Johnny could get all the benefits from church. But as we know eight year old boys do not like church at all. Especially little Johnny. Halfway through the pastor's sermon Johnny fell asleep. The pastor noticed this, and it was distracting him from preaching. He decided to go over to Johnny and ask him a question about God.
"Son, do you know who created all the heavens and earth?"
His mother, Cindy, who did not want to be embarrassed by her son falling asleep, stuck a pin in her son's right butt cheek.
"GOD!!!!" Cried little Johnny.
"Very good," the pastor replied. For he could not say it was wrong. And he continued on. But a short while later, Johnny fell asleep again. The pastor once again noticed this and decided to ask another question,
"Who was Mary and Joseph's son?" The pastor asked.
Johnny's dad, Mark, did not want to be embarrassed either, so he stuck a pin in his son's left butt cheek.
"JESUS CHRIST!!!!" Yelled Johnny.
And once again the pastor replied "Very good."
Near the end of the church service, Johnny could not control himself and fell asleep again. For the last time, the pastor decided to embarrass him and ask a very hard question.
"What did Eve say to Adam on the morning when they woke up on the first day?"
But before Johnny's parents could do anything Johnny shouted,
"IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT AND BREAK IT IN HALF!"
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 16, Jul 2003 10:41:36 PM IST
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about." "okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely, ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple."
"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now, for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?"
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like you're thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now, Johnny is about to expolde as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Jonny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly.
"Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 16, Jul 2003 10:40:06 PM IST
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God." The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand.
He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."
"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up.
"Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"
Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet."
The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.
He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 16, Jul 2003 10:38:35 PM IST
At Sunday school, the teacher asked little Johnny,
"Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"
"Sure," little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard."
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 15, Jul 2003 11:14:28 PM IST
So this teacher is teaching her grade four class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several people stick up their hands.
"Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher.
Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious," and the teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!"
Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up, at the back of the class. "Yes, johnny?" she says.
Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin around, and we saw our blonde neighbour painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, "Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence."
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 15, Jul 2003 11:13:58 PM IST
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