|
|
|
General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Just 4 Laughs ;)) | |
| Hi
Posted by: Mr. kumar Syam At: 27, Nov 2006 8:07:40 PM IST
Posted by: Amrapaali At: 26, Nov 2006 7:01:51 PM IST
nice joke
Posted by: Mr. VIRABHADRA SASTRI KALANADHABHATTA At: 26, Nov 2006 11:42:30 PM IST
adi sarOja gaariki telusaa
Posted by: Mr. G Subramanyam At: 25, Nov 2006 12:53:51 PM IST
eduTavaarini baadha peTTakunDaa maaTlaDaDDam oka kaLa
Posted by: Mrs. saroja gorrapathi At: 25, Nov 2006 12:28:47 PM IST
manchi gaa cheppaaru
BRB gaaru
Posted by: Mr. G Subramanyam At: 25, Nov 2006 11:06:35 AM IST
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around
with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh!, Killed any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 24, Nov 2006 4:31:40 PM IST
Through the Hard Times
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day,
when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business
failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we
lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing,
you were still by my side ...You know what?"
"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with
warmth.
"I think you're bad luck ".
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 24, Nov 2006 4:27:56 PM IST
Manoo bhai ..friday ke din drinking ke bare mein ithni achchi batein bathaane ke liye thnx ..cheers!! ..:))
YY
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 22, Sep 2006 6:52:17 PM IST
AlcoHoroscopes
ARIES Drinking Style:
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when
to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to
closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get
mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is
a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods
fail.
Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that
whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise.
They can be counted on to do the same for you-so long as you haven't
gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you
sneaky Gemini.
TAURUS Drinking Style:
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow
glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is
a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate
who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to
employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies)
to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us.
This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler-god,
no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth
soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke
bar when intoxicated.
GEMINI Drinking Style:
Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much-they're so
naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to
tell sometimes.
They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then
doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of
intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic
ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very
tricky) with several people at once.
They like to order different cocktails every round-repetition is
boring-and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon
blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER Drinking Style:
Cancer is a comfort drinker-and an extra wine with dinner or an
after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer
darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must
guard against lushery.
Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and
insinuating themselves on VIP lists-and, in true Hollywood style,
Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and
emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better
than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine
with your favorite Cancer.
Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the
flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka
and soda.
LEO Drinking Style:
Leo likes to drink and dance-they're often fabulous dancers, and
usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding
dignity and turning kittenish.
Of course, they're quite aware they're darling-Leos will be Leos,
after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they
loathe losing self-control.
When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue-and perhaps
not with the one what brung them. But Leo's not the type to break
rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer)
and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the
next day.
VIRGO Drinking Style:
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender.
Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less
than other signs, sure-but it could also lead to drinking booze
neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They
rarely get fully shellacked-but, oh, when they do! Virgo's
controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking
within, and they let it loose when walloped.
It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy).
As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into
a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!
LIBRA Drinking Style:
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so
damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and
relate to everyone.
Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device set
to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little
instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming
as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control however,
which can get them into all sorts of trouble-including wearing their
wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their
best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely.
Oops!
SCORPIO Drinking Style:
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at
you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-
whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink and
screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the
sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-
altering tool-though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total
obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals,
brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts.
They also remember everything-especially what you did when you were
blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS Drinking Style:
In vino veritas-and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When
buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own.
Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with.
This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from
the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole
Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then
persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else-like a nightclub,
or a playground, or Cancun.
Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility
of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
CAPRICORN Drinking Style:
Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry
and status-thirsty-no wonder they get left off the astrological
cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie
Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star:
independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to
please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to
quibble?
But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally
off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up
and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a
cute groupie.
AQUARIUS Drinking Style:
Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water,
that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if
they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain
or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing,
however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative-
and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case.
Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make
the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start
raising their wrist):
Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding
interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.
PISCES Drinking Style:
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a
sign-and an addictive personality-with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and
Kurt Cobain.
Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there
feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty
tolerance fast.
Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're
fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime.
With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of
margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The
phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know.
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 22, Sep 2006 4:23:31 PM IST
If the Titanic was made in India
1) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship
2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course singing in the rain!
3) The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya"
4) Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive, but the villian would die in the first dip.
5) The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a lesson.
6) None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.
And last but not least
7) Half of the rescue boats would be reserve for SC/ST/OBC
Posted by: Mr. SiriVennela At: 10, Jul 2006 6:29:33 PM IST
| |
|
|
|
| Advertisements |
|
|
|
|
| Advertisements |
|
