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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Why Kashmir is not a dangerous flashpoint for World | |
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Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers,
" Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We
need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so
that rest of us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted,
" Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal"
"wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh"
"Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman"
"jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di"
"Jai jawan jai kissan "
and finally yelled at the top of his voice "Bharat mata ki jai"
And Kicked the pakistani standing next to him in the sea.
Posted by: Mr. M.S.Reddy At: 2, Jun 2002 3:17:20 PM IST
So once three scientists american, japanese, and pakistani are discussing their nation's scientific capability, and the american says, "In our country there was this boy who lost his legs in an accident, and we put artificial ones, and today u know hes an olympic gold medalist!" so the japnese laughs and says, "This is nothing.in our nation there was this boy who lost his hands and legs in accident and we put artifical ones, and today u know, hes karate champion!" so the paki laughs and says, "These are nothing, in our nation there was this boy who had no brains, and so we put a coconut in his head, and today u know......hes the 'Military rule of pakistan!"
Posted by: Mr. M.S.Reddy At: 2, Jun 2002 3:15:48 PM IST
nice joke on a crucial issue.good one samatha!:-)!certainly you have raised many points to discuss:-)!
Posted by: Mr. Madhusudan Karri At: 2, Jun 2002 1:37:36 AM IST
A good joke... :)
Between 60's and 80's, the cold war between US and
USSR was such that if USA launched a Nuke-loaded
missile, USSR's satellites were capable of nforming
USSR army in 3 seconds, and in less than 45 seconds
USSR would also launch its counter-missile. US knew
that, and therefore, never attempted to launch one.
Recent studies commissioned by US DOD included one
likely scenario on a nuclear war between India and
Pakistan.
INDO-PAK WAR...
Pak army decides to launch a Nuke-missile towards
India... They don't need any permission from their
government, and promptly launch the missile.
Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8
seconds, Indian army detects it and decides to launch
a missile in retaliation. But they need permission
from The Government of India. They submit their
request to the Indian President.
The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime
Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha (i.e., LS)
session. After three days, when the LS meets, due to
several walkouts and severe protest by the opposition,
it gets adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for
a quick decision.
In the meantime, the Pak missile failed to take off
due to unknown reasons. Their attempts for a relaunch
are still on. Meanwhile, the Indian ruling party is
reduced to minority because a party, giving outside
support, withdraws support. Therefore, its first task
is now to get majority. The President asks the PM to
prove majority within a week. Meanwhile, an external
affairs spokesman requests Pak for some bilateral
talks, at the secretary and minister levels.
Next week, as the ruling party was not able to get
confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.
The acting PM decides to permit the armed forces to
launch the Nuclear Missile. But the Election
Commission says that a caretaker government cannot
take such a decision because elections are at hand and
this decision might affect the swing of votes
in the election.
A PIL (Public Interest Litigation) is filed in the
Supreme Court of India, alleging misuse of power by
the Election commission. The Supreme Court comes to
the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is
authorized to take this decision, in the interests of
the nation.
In between, one of the Pak missiles successfully took
off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target on a
government building at 11:00 AM. But there were no
casualties since no employee had reached the office by
then. In any case, the nuclear core of missile had
detached some where in flight. Pakistan army is now
trying to get better technologies from China and USA.
US condemns the use of a nuclear missile by Pakistan,
and offers to send its seventh fleet in Indian Ocean.
The Indian government, wary of the move, declines. The
Indian government finally decides to launch a nuclear
missile, after convening an all party meeting. This
time all the parties agree. It's three months since
the army had sought permission.
But this time, some "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear"
activists come on road against the government's
decision. Human chains are being made in CA, LA and
Washington for peace. Many E-mails are sent to Indians
condemning the government and mentioning "Please
forward it to as many Indians as possible."
On the Pakistan side, the missiles keep failing. Some
time they fail to take-off, some time the payload gets
detached from the missile during flight. Some missiles
deviate from target due to technical failures or
high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan, these missiles
are
neutralized by Pak itself, as these missiles are now
moving backwards towards Karachi.
A missile (smuggled from USA) is used. Since Pakistan
army is unable to understand its software, it hits its
original destination: Russia.
Russians successfully intercept the missile and in
retaliation, launch a nuclear missile towards
Islamabad. (Note: Russian missiles never fail.) The
missile hits the target and creates havoc.
Pakistan cries for help. It asks for loans from the
IMF and the World Bank. India expresses deep regrets
for what had happened and sends in a million dollar
worth of soaps.
So in the end, India never got to launch the missile.
Pak never got it right and got themselves screwed.
Indian Diplomacy at its best!
Conclusion reached by the DOD: Kashmir is now no
longer a dangerous flashpoint, and they turn their
attention towards Osama Bin Laden!
And they lived happily ever after.
Posted by: Ms Samatha G At: 2, Jun 2002 1:26:36 AM IST
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